The Itch

the solitary tree snow storm3 14 2017

This is a picture I took from my driveway during the March 13th-14th snowstorm (Stella) visiting my acre of the world—we survived the inconvenience like we always do—Upstate New Yorkers know how to deal with the white stuff. Thankfully, the little stray kitty that I’m feeding came out of hiding and ate heartily once the white stuff stopped blowing around. It’s melting away, slowly, enveloping trees in a fog thick as pea soup (or peanut butter if that’s what you prefer.) A big fluffy skunk has been visiting the bird feeder leavings in the evening. Kitty and Stinky seem to have a mutual respect for each other’s space. The snow geese have been arriving in the neighborhood fields, their white angel wings gorgeous against the gray sky. The song birds are singing spring songs in spite of the wacky up and down temps. Migrating noisy flocks of black birds have passed through, picking my bird feeders clean. Spring is here.

Drinking from the Fishbowl is in the design phase, the pile of the first proof is sitting there waiting for me to go through and do what I need to do next. I’m terrified and happy with it (cuz I know there will be people who will hate it and people who will love it, they’ll all have their reasons, but ultimately, I have to be happy with it so…) Being away from  it for over a month or now two has been good for me—I’m happily remembering bits and pieces that I love about it. (Without picking it up and reading it.) So far, I have not recalled anything that is making me itch—tho’ I’m remembering with relief the parts that I cut out and left behind. This is a relief. I’m almost ready to pick it up and begin this final phase. It’s been an exhausting book to write. I want to do it right.

In the meantime, I’ve been working on my 2017 contribution to the Sketchbook Project (the Brooklyn Art Library is the home of the Sketchbook Project, a crowd-funded sketchbook museum and community library space. Check it out! I have about five sketchbooks in their collection, which numbers over 35,500.) As soon as my “little black sketchbook” is finished, I’ll post pictures. I bound it a few days ago (I always take it apart and make it a real project.) I’m working on the finishing scribbles. (I’m always a teeny bit heartbroken when I have to slip it into an envelope and mail it back.) This little sketchbook is reflecting my state of mind—My thoughts are in a snarl lately. Too many projects on my plate, too much to think about, too much of too much going on everywhere I look. With that said, I wrote a little poe-em this morning (imagine that, I wrote a thing so early in the morning!) It’s based on a joke I made at my day job this week, I made a comment about my ear being itchy and laughed that it was my thoughts leaking out cuz my brain is too full.

My ear is itching—

It’s my thoughts

trickling out cuz my

head is too full.

There’s not enough

 room inside my brain

to keep them all.

Too much information—

not just  the TMI kind that

people don’t want

to hear about.

The up to the minute,

the 24/7,

the always on train wreck

of the here and now.

It’s becoming too fucking much.

A distraction distracting me

from quiet time.

Turn it off.

Tune out.

Leave the phone

Leave the tablet

Leave the laptop

Leave the desktop

Leave the television

Behind.

Listen to the sound

of silence. Breathe.

I can hear my heart beating.

Even if it’s for a little while.

Reminding myself that

I’m alive. Desperately.

Alive. Fuck damn it.

My ear is still itching.

(The Itch, 3/25/2017)

Yeah, whatever. That’s it. My itchy ear and leaking thoughts are going to disconnect for now so I can enjoy this foggy morning, and finish my little art project…

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